Bore Dumb
It was a long time ago (I think it was about a week ago) in a far off place (see
it to your left there?) there lived a good-looking, big, strong, brown, furry
moocow named JT. Well JT and his fellow cattle had some wine coolers
and I guess they had one too many because they got pulled over for drunk driving
on their way to go cow tipping. Just as Kara, the cop, was about to
handcuff the drunken cows a big gust of wind came. Kara held tight to her
vehicle to anchor her from the wind as she watched the wind pick up all the
cows. The cows started to float out of sight and JT yelled, “Ha ha
sucker!” Just after he yelled this JT hit a telephone pole and the last
thing Kara could hear was a faint “Ow!”
Finally the wind drops the cows in a place that looks quite like Kansas.
The lost cattle heard a cackle behind them so they turned around. They see
an old woman with a greenish complexion and a huge wart on her nose. The
woman, whose name they found out later was known as Aunty Emm. Aunty Emm
started to fight and scream, “What have you done with my niece and her little
dog you… you… cows! I’m going to call the cops to arrest you I know
you took my niece!” Just as Aunty Emm starts to pick up the phone, three
billion tons of dirt fell on top of her. Seeing the opportunity to
get away the cows run.
On their journey to go anywhere but back to Aunty Emm’s house, the cow comes
upon a giant castle. As they climb inside they find a wooden wall, “no
wait that’s no wall it’s a table,” said JT, “Lets climb it and see
what’s on top.” The cows got out on their cleats and climbed the
table. As they got to the top they found the biggest, most colorful
mushrooms they have ever seen in their life. Being that they were
all real hungry, they devoured the mushrooms. Just after JT said, “They
taste a little funny,” They started to hallucinate.
“Wow man, this must be New York!”
“Dude! We’ve traveled through time its 1969!”
“Hey I’ve heard of that Cowstock thing let’s go!”
“Dude! Its like right across the street!”
So they walked across the table and thought they were at “Cowstock.”
As JT ran into a giant, talking rat he thought he ran into a hippie named
Crystal. Crystal looked at the cow group and said, “Steak sure sounds
good…mmmmmm… filet mignon with a side of magic mushrooms.” At hearing
this, the cows turned themselves into frogs so they wouldn’t be eaten.
But they didn’t anticipate how crazy Crystal really was. She picked up
the frog cows and started to lick them. Instantly, men with white jackets
showed up followed by Kermit the frog who was saying, “Anyone who licks frogs
is crazy to begin with.” As they carted Crystal away, The frog cows
turned back into cows and started to eat the grass but they suddenly found
themselves in top of the grand canyon which was filled with tons of waste.
Being that they were on a giant pile of trash, the cows did the only sensible
thing to do… they jumped in and stared to train for the trash swim at the
Olympics. After their swim, they find themselves at a beach where a
syringe washes ashore and pokes JT and he suddenly contracts AIDS and falls down
dead. (Yes, he died of AIDS in a matter of seconds.)
Luckily, a mutated mermaid came ashore and kissed her sleeping prince. JT
magically awoke but finds that he has transformed into a mermaid himself… well
kind of a mermaid he was half fish and half cow… with the fish part on top.
Then he swam out to sea with his mutant girlfriend.
On the way to their new home JT and his girlfriend decided that humans are too
wasteful and start a marine revolt against the land dwellers. JT decided
to get rid of the land dwellers the easy way… with explosives and nerve gas!
But the sediment from the explosion settled into the ocean—resulting in
killing not only all the land dwellers but all the marine creatures as well,
except JT. But Celine Dion suddenly popped up and started to sing witch
killed JT instantly.
---The moral of the story… Celine Dion is superior to roaches and a mutated
cow-fish.
The Craziness has
Gotten to my Head
I shut my eyes for a moment and find myself in a very weird place. There
is a sign that says, "Welcome to your wildest dream." So, I walk
through. What's that? A cow with a nametag that says Bob?
Oh no I think its mad. Eeewww... I just stepped in dinodung!!!
A flying frog comes up to me and says, "Peace out dude!" I
offer it a glass of Kool-Aid with ice cubes in it and it tells me,
"No thanks, I'm a no ice hippy." I go walking on, but wait I
must stop to cluck like a chicken and lay a banana. The banana hatches
into a cat... It turns to me and mews something that sounds like
"Ga Foo" and flies away without another word... Wait little
kitty!!! I chase after it. Hey look bubbles... I get
trapped in one and it floats away with me. It pops right over the
Elven land where I land right between two Keebler elves. One is smiling really
big and the other kind of resembles a satyr. Then some kind of weird mage
comes up and dances me away from the elves. I ask him what kind of dance
was that and he replies, "It's the magedance, of course." I run
off to end up getting sucked into a really weird portal that kind of
resembles a squirrel boob. Then I wake up.